After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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