Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
