can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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