She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
