For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
