The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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