Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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