just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
