I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize