yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
