I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
