There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
