shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
