A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
