so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
