do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
