I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
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And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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