he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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