Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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