you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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