your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
