someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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