Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
