i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
