hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
