see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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