For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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