We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
