im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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