So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
