Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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