Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I believe in your delicious
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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