i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
