Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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