Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
