Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
