You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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