The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
