You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
