he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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