i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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