he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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