I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
