She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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