I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
