I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
