When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
