he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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