If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
