But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
