the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
