i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
