Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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