Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again