Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
