Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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