she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
