I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
