You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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