new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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