I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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