THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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