carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
