Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
